haayy.. eto ka nanaman beto

elo po... hmmm.. ready na kaya cya (yung heart) mag mahal uli? haay.. di ko lam kung eto na uli.. i mean that gurl.. love her smile.. her speaking eyes.. or maybe Id just misinterpret everything.. maybe ganun lang tlga cya in her sweet little way.. as of the moment di ko pa lam kung ano tlga nararamdaman ko.. and im afraid to know it.. im quite afraid honestly.. and i dnt know why.. one point im my life ive promised to myself if ever id fall in love again ill make it last this time, yun cguro ung reason.. im not that gwapo naman lam ko un! but sa ngaun natatakot na ko magpa bigla bigla, i jst wanna make sure of everythin (sigurista ika nga) i mean ive been thru lot of relationship (lahat ng klase na ata? yabang) i remember 1 time sum1 asked me to describe my heart and i replied "its like the sands of boracay, so many times it had beed broked thats how fine the broken pieces is" and i told her.. well i hope the next one will be the one to whom i grow old with, the mother of my children, who will be beside me when our grand children picks up candies and goodies that fells out from a broken palayok.. but i guess mahirap magsalita ng tapos right?, well nasabi ko na din yan before and yet it end up "bye-bye" din.. minsan im askin myself whats wrong? why cant YOU give me that right girl for me? why do i have to go thru all these pain? then id stop and thought of it, if none of those things happend i wouldn't have been to where i am right now, maybe HE is just preparing me for that one girl whom i will give my heart to.. naisip ko na rin na what if lumagpas na cya.. i just let her slipped away, well its my fault na cguro.. and im really sorry for that (for myself).. haaay.. ang hirap magmahal no? ikaw? ramdam mo din naman yun cguro.. before you fall in love deeply you have to know first the concequences of it.. kelangan handa ka din masaktan beyond expectation and be brave to face it.. ive been there.. i was caught unaware mamy times.. kala ko yun na, ang dami ng plans, but still something happens along the way.. ewan.. may pagkabaliw din ako minsan.. i learned how to separate love and mind.. tried to analyze things, madaming nasayang na relationship, maybe others would not understand me.. kc kahit love ko pa ung person still i choose to let go.. nasubukan mo na bang magparaya? can you really say "if that whats makes you happy then so be it, im just a step behind" lam mo ung sakit nun? you will hear no word from me just promise me one thing.. that you will love your man more than you loved me and just make sure that he will love you more than i loved you.. have you tried drinking alone? just to ease the pain even for a while.. para kang baliw.. telling yourself its over but it isnt really... have you tried opposing your own feeling.. trying to tell your heart "tama na po its over".. one of then asked me.. "why? why do we have to do this? we were doing well all along?" i replied "im sorry.. even i cant answer that, in time maiintindihan mo din kung bakit ko ginawa to" ang gulo nun.. ur letting the person go even if alam mong mahal nyo isat isa but at the back of ur mind u knw that it will never work na for both of you.. sometimes, when no one is around i would break down and cry just like a little child.. still asking the same question.. am i really not good at loving? guess may kulang pa.. marami pa.. well maybe the best is yet to come.. we never know what the future holds.. but this i promise to myself.. when the time comes that HE will let our paths crossed, i will make the most of it.. let her be the happiest woman.. love her with all my heart, with no boundaries, basta.. sum1 who can pick up those pcs of my heart and has the power to make it whole again.. haayy.. bat gnun no? ewan.. inaantok na ko! ano ba tong nagawa ko? hehehe.. i guess kulang pa to' to describe me.. well cya na kaya yun? di natin alam.. masyado pang maaga to Foretell.. let time decides.. as of the moment.. still im happy being single and enjoying every single day... oh and waiting for the right girl.. bye bye :)